Feel it.

I say that a lot. 

I was told once to “always keep a quote in my back pocket.” Well, my failproof quote that I always choose is the following: 

“Man is the artificer of his own happiness.” - Henry David Thoreau

From the time that I first read that quote, I have always kept it near to me. It’s become almost a mantra of sorts. I try to keep this in mind in all that I do. 

Lately, however, this has escaped me. I have been absolutely unhappy and blaming everyone around me for this unhappiness. I have not been taking control of my life or of emotions, and in turn, have been feeling absolutely miserable. 

But yesterday I did something absolutely risky — I quit my job. While I’ve loved working at my university, I must say that this position was not a good fit for me. I’ve been coming home grumpy, and usually end up displacing my frustration on my amazing boyfriend, who is always more than supportive. I came to the realization just about a month ago that it was time to take hold of my happiness again, to deal with what I had and make it all work. I also decided that I would submit my letter of resignation shortly after my commencement ceremony. I did not want there to be any awkward feelings or tension on my special day. 

That is exactly what I’ve done. I’ve quit! I’m so excited to start new adventures in my life, and search for new job and career opportunities. I’m scared out of my mind, of course, afraid that I will not be able to pay rent and for all of the other bills in my life. It’s worth it, though. 

I am 21, a graduate from a perfectly wonderful institution of higher education, and have been accepted into my MA in Communication Studies program at a different university. I’m more than excited to see what direction I will go in from here. What matters to me more than anything, though, is ensuring that I am absolutely content with the decisions I make, and the things I do. 

Quitting is frightening as hell, and I am totally content with the decision I made. I’m happy just knowing that I’ll be in a new job (hopefully sooner, rather than later), doing something that appeals more to my personality and career goals. 

More than that, though, I’m happy that I have supportive others in my life as I make this decision. I have had nothing but unconditional positive regard from my co-workers, family members, friends, and of course, my boyfriend. In making this decision I have been reminded that I have people in my life that have my back, and that things will work out in time. 

I can say that I am having a great day. I’m happy. Not only am I happy, but I am loved. I am loved and creating a situation where I can flourish in new ways and new directions and maintain my happiness. 

That’s key. Absolutely. 

stephmysmile:

Never trust someone else to protect you, & never forget that every choice is on you. Ignorance of the outcome doesn’t exempt you from the consequences.

Wise words from a wise individual. 

So I have decided to try something new. I’m a first generation college student, as I may or may not have said before, and graduated from my university in December, as I definitely have mentioned before. I grew a tremendous amount at my university, and one thing that was instilled in me was a sense of community service and giving back. Now that I’ve graduated, I’m looking for ways to give back to the community.

After some reflection the other day, I figured it out: why not help out other first generation college students? 

I survived. I’m sure I could help other people survive. Plus, with my knowledge of the college admissions process, the structure of a university, etc. I’m sure I’d be a great asset to anybody looking for some help. 

So here it is. My new blog: http://firstgencollegeadvice.tumblr.com/. 

You’ll also be able to follow me on twitter: @1stGenAdvice.

I may be taking posts from there and posting them here as well. We’ll see. But for now, that’s it!

ilovecharts:

Let’s get to debating it rationally so we can get to the joyful inevitable sooner.

This past weekend I asked my boyfriend to take time off of work. He willingly did so, and I’m so grateful that he did. His birthday is today, and I pampered him all weekend. 

Saturday — We went to Marina del Rey, and parasailed! It was the first time for both of us. What an adventure it was! The trip was about two hours long, and when it was our turn to go, we were already in Malibu. Parasailing over Malibu for 10 minutes was amazing. We held hands, screamed, and kicked our feet in the air (well, he mostly did the kicking. I did the “OH NO STOP YOU’RE GOING TO DROP US!”-ing). I would have sat in the air all day with him if I could. Our driver (sailor?), Andrew, was AWESOME, and dunked us in the water when we landed. It was glorious.

From there we headed to Venice. We people watched, ate, and just enjoyed the sun and cool sea breeze. 

We then headed home, ordered pizza in, watched movies, cuddled, and just loved each other before passing out like rocks. 

Sunday — We woke up late Sunday morning and watched the movie Ever After. Neither of us had ever seen it, and we both rather enjoyed it, making gushy commentary about how much we love one another (we would make you sick, I bet). I made the most delicious candied walnut, oatmeal pancakes (topped with Nutella ♥), and some scrambled eggs before we got ready to go. 

We headed out to Santa Barbara to go to the zoo. It was awesome. I have never been to a zoo (well maybe as a child, but it was not memorable if I did go), and it was so great being in the sun (again) and seeing all of the animals there. My boyfriend is totally in his element in nature-like places, and he was absolutely beaming and chill the whole time. 

Then we went to Freebirds! and ate to our hearts’ content. We drove back to Ventura and got some board/card games at Target (monopoly, chess/checkers/backgammon, and Phase 10!), and went home to play. We finished out the night with a game of Phase 10 (he won) and chess (I won!), followed by watching the movie Zoo Keeper (and eating a bag of popcorn, some chocolate dipper things from Pizza Hut, and drinking hot chocolate). We both passed out cold again, and I woke up this morning feeling absolutely thrilled for the day. 

I guess, long winded, re-cap of this weekend in a nutshell - I’m grateful for everything that happened this weekend. I felt more love than I have ever felt in my life. I felt more content - spiritually, intellectually, physically, emotionally - than I have ever felt in my life, and I’m thankful for my boyfriend’s role in that. He’s brought an ever increasing amount of love to my life, and I am truly blessed to have him by my side. 

Sometimes we take the loved ones in our lives for granted. I know I do all the time.  It’s the kind of quality time that I spent with my boyfriend this weekend, though, that brought me back to reality. Our lives, as unquestionably permanent as they seem at times, are absolutely fragile. We need to take care and tend to the relationships we foster in our time on earth, because it’s those relationships, the joy of learning new things, and about others, and the love we find for ourselves, for others, and from others, that makes life undoubtedly, irrefutably brilliant, and so, so worth living.